Everybody Hurts...

This post I am taking from a post that my sister posted on face book earlier this week... "Ok, so I battle depression, and that is hard to admit. Yesterday due to a "perfect storm" of freak things the depression got the best of me, not my best hours. I saw a new Doctor today and am in a new medication. I pray that things get better and if your the praying type, pray for me please. The important thing is I know whet I was and where my mind was, I know how bad life can seem and it looks hopeless some times, but I swear REM got it right, every body hurts sometimes, just hold on. If you think you have had enough, of this life, hold on! Just hold on. I am telling you guys, life IS worth living. If you know someone who you even think is struggling, STAY INVOLVED in their life. Some of you sent me messages and texts and just "hey I am here if you need something, anything" messages. I might not have called those in, but they help. It helps to know people care. So when the world is just too much and this life...... HANG ON!" I think we all suffer from forms of depression on different levels. When I read this I was absolutely heart broken, to think that my own sister didn't feel like she could call and talk to me. That hurts. But she is right " Everybody hurts sometimes" Now I am sitting here wondering what I can do to help my sister, all I can come up with is pray...pray...pray...pray!! This is really hard for me to wrap my head around and understand why?? I love you all and if any of you need to talk... please call me Love, D When the day is long and the night The night is yours alone When you're sure you've had enough Of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries And everybody hurts sometimes Sometimes everything is wrong Now it's time to sing along When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go (Hold on) When you think you've had too much Of this life, well hang on 'Cause everybody hurts take comfort in your friends Everybody hurts Don't throw your hand oh, no don't throw your hand If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone If you're on your own in this life The days and nights are long When you think you've had too much Of this life to hang on Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries And everybody hurts sometimes And everybody hurts sometimes so, hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Everybody hurts No, no, no, no, you are not alone

So Many Mixed Feelings... I don't know what to do...

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged, so much has been happening. Relay for Life is in full swing, H had her baby and we are trying to get everything in order so when they tell us it's time to start our house, we are ready. ok, let me take you back... January one of my near and dearest friend had her baby and invited me to be there with her, so I was. I was excited to have a tiny little baby to hold and love on. On the 28th we were suppose to be getting a pretty good snow storm and I wanted to head down to Ogden while it was still light out and not snowing, H's mom "A" and her step father "M" needed a ride too, but A wasn't getting off work until 330 and M doesn't work. So I went and waited for them to get packed. Well, earlier in the day I had talked to H and she expressed to me some of her concerns and we were just visiting and she said that her mom mentioned "having to fight D for this baby" I let it roll off my back, whatever!! She obviously doesn't know me. So while I was sitting in the car waiting for A and M to get their stuff loaded, H's little sister "Lil M" came out and said " my mom said she was going to have to fight for this baby" Now I'm mad... how dare she say that?? I was asked to be there by my friend and if I am asked if I want to hold her... dang right I am. Well after the baby was her... and she is Oh so BEAUTIFUL we were all admiring her through the window and all of the sudden A was gone. I went into H's room to see if she was ok and she wasn't there, but H was and she asked me to stay. We had a few minutes together and cried and talked. They brought in baby A and the nurse asked me if I wanted to hold her... (in my mind I was thinking I can't be the first to hold her A will get upset) H said to me "go ahead D , she's my baby" so I picked her up and oh my gosh so tiny and so cute. A walked through the door and made a remark as to "D holding my grand baby first" so I immediately handed her over. It hurt, it hurt my heart a lot. so through out the day when I was asked to hold her I had her 2-3 minutes and got her taken away. The whole day was great, the birth, the after, the sweet baby, bonding with H and J was great. But deep down in my heart all I could think of was "why? why not me? why am I sitting here and she laying there nursing her baby, why is my husband not here, why can't I go pick out a car seat and outfits for my baby? It has been something that I thought I had come to terms with,but apparently not. I know adoption is great and we both would like to do it, but is it wrong to want to experience the baby moving in me, reading to the baby, sharing that with my husband. I have a great life... a husband that loves me. a husband is a Priesthood holder. a husband that takes me to the Temple. a husband that lets me do what ever I want. a husband that works hard so I can do and get what I want. I have a puppy that I love more than life itself. a family that I love (both sides) and that's ok to love and have it all. But there is still an empty place in my heart and there will be until I have my own. I'm sorry, but that is just the way it is going to be. I love you all- ~D

Dear Granny~

I cant't believe it's been 10 years... I have missed you so much. So much has happened in our lives that I wish you would have been apart of. Sure, everyone says and I believe that you are always with me, but it just isn't the same. I miss our talks, and our laughs... we had so many good ones. I miss hearing your voice, your hugs. I remember the night you left us, I was talking to my mom and I asked her how your first day of radiation was and she said fine, that you were just tired. I told her that I should call you. She said no it's 830, she's probably asleep. So we finished our conversation and said our good byes. Jared and I were just moving into our apartment and were staying with his parents while everything was getting turned on and set up. We were asleep down stairs and Jared's mom came down around 5 or 530 and asked Jared to come help her... I knew something was wrong. Mom was on the phone and told Jared that you had passed. He came back down stairs and said "Danielle?" I said " it's Granny huh?" We both cried and held each other, I then went and called mom back. Oh Granny, it was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt my world was crumbling around me. We met Joe, Ang and Jaden in Pocatello and headed to Missoula. It was great to see all the family. The services in Cut Bank were great... so many people besides your family love you and showed their support. The memorial services in Great Falls were beautiful, the cemetery was good too. I remember standing there and everyone was going back to the cars and I was still there... I couldn't leave you. I didn't want to leave you. We had a luncheon and headed to Helena. Joe, Mom, Patty, Peggy, Sherri and I went to Cut Bank to pack up your apartment... oh the silly things we found. You had a coffee spill on all your shirts and a tissue (we were unsure if they were used or not) in all your pants pockets... that made us laugh. We cleaned up and went on our way. We all miss you so much... and think about you everyday. I know you are happy where you are with Uncle Mark, Boppa and the rest of your family, friends and loved ones. Give them all a hug and kiss from us. I love you and miss you Dani

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! We had a really relaxing day. It was just J and I and his parents here today. This was the year everyone was suppose to be at the "in-laws". We decided last spring that we would not be going to Montana this year... thinking we would be building our house, not the case. Oh well!! Everyone is coming over tomorrow to open gifts, which will be fun!! We got to Skype with C's family down in Moroni, which was fun. Bandit~ of course was spoiled... is spoiled!! He is the best thing we have ever bought!! He makes us so happy!!

We are also spoiled!! We are going to VEGAS the end of January!! That is our Christmas to each other!! We are both really excited~ we are staying with our friend Lightning Strikes and her family. We may or may not be going to see... GEORGE STRAIT!! WOO HOO!!! Well I hope everyone has had a great Christmas!! We love you all!! J,D and B

HaPpY bIrThDaY jArEd!!

Last weekend, for Jared's birthday he wanted to go visit his brother. So we drove down to Moroni and hung out with Corey and his family. We planned a "USU/Football" themed party. If you know Jared at all... he LOVES him some FOOTBALL!! We made hot dogs, nachos, treats, and we even had... BEER!! Yep Butter Beer!!(forgot, until we were almost home from the store, Jared doesn't drink carbonated beverages of any kind) EPIC FAIL!! Then some of Corey's friends came over to play games, which was fun. Jared and their friend were talking and they both served in the same mission. Like I have said before... we can't go anywhere with out him knowing someone. We both ended up getting sick while we were there, which makes everything that much better. Bandit enjoyed having the girls to play with... they wore him out!! It was a good weekend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!! I LOVE YOU!! ~D getting ready to play games

Jared's Birthday Beer!!

Bandit after the girls left for church... so tired!!

Bandit LOVED the big window at "Uncle Corey's"

What a SPOOKTACULAR Day!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Halloween may not be my cup of tea, but it sure is fun to see everyone dressed up!! Well, it's fun to see some dressed up... you'll see what I am talking about when you see the pictures... and here they are Cindy as "Hello Kitty"

Layla as "Elmo"

Kenna as "China Girl"

Brooklyn as a "Peacock"

Landon as "Hulk Hogan" see I told ya!!

Hilary as a "Ninja"

Kelsea as "Bat Girl"

Peyton as "Batman"

Bat Girl and Batman

Chesnie as a "Scarecrow"

Cambrie as a "Hula Girl"

Meggan as "Lalaloopsy" and Paislee as a "Cheerleader"

What a fun day!! HAPPY HAUNTING!! D~

shhh... here's a sneak peak~

J, I and Bandit had our pictures done yesterday. It was so fun!! Stacey did such a great job. If you are in the market for new pictures check out her blog: She is such a sweetie!! She posted just a few on Facebook so we can see and I wanted to share them with you...

I hope you enjoy them!! D~